There’s so much to say since it is a subject with layers. For today though I want share how I let myself be soothed with food when feeling like I’ve made a decision or about to make a decision. What do I mean? You know we have these moments in life where we have to make a “life” decision, like for example: I have determined to push deeper in being a better group leader at church.
To take it one step back I believe in my heart that I can help people through relationship and speaking/teaching. I shy away, get unsure of myself or just become lazy with it. I allow feelings of “I’m not worthy”, “why would anyone learn from me”to become what I believe. So to take back truth from the hands of lies I find myself emotional. From these emotions I seem to loose control sending me to find control through food.
Another example is my swaying back and forth of do I or do not finish my degree. I think it will help but then you see the many people who have degrees working completely different jobs or people without degrees excelling I don’t know what to do. Since I don’t have that decision set in stone I seek answers by controling what goes in my mouth. That’s the problem, no answers are found this way.
Sometimes I feel kinda cheesy but I know it’s how the devil attacks me. The time I have wasted eating for no good reason, the time I spend thinking of food, the time I spend beating myself up over it is wasted time. It’s a clever way to get me where it counts. It hits my self esteem making me feel unworthy. I find myself going to my emotions as a guide who only leads me to the same beaten path.
I’ve come out of it time and time again however I think it’s time to just be bold and say no more. I am looking at what I want to accomplish next and don’t want to waste time. I don’t want to waste the gift within me. I have made some changes in that I’m being still in prayer. Finding patience within this time of prayer is letting go and requires me to not follow emotions. We have to learn to set our emotions aside. I don’t have the answer to that but I’m working on it. Running this week has really helped to quiet myself down to think without emotions. I love running. In times like these I find balance and hope for what is ahead……
My verse for being still is:
A man’s gift makes room for him And brings him before great men.
Proverbs 18:16 (NASB)
……….to be continued